To my dearest son,
I am afraid of facing the outside world as of right now. I
know that I need to go to school to make a better future for our family but I
don’t know if I can face other students and teachers. Of course all of my
teachers know what is going on and they understand that time heals. It’s just
the question of when I will be ready.
I have class tomorrow and I’m not sure if I can bring myself
to go. I’m scared of having to explain myself to the other students of where I have
been and getting those sad eyes all over again. I don’t want people to feel
sorry for me, or think that I shouldn’t be there or that I should be at home
comforting myself. I want to come off strong… but it’s so hard.
I miss you so much… I’m not sure where this letter is going
this time. All my others have been towards what your daddy and I have been
doing for your wellbeing. And now that you’re gone I don’t know what to do for
my wellbeing, or for the wellbeing of your father.
He’s working so hard to provide for us that he is being run
into a wall. The other day he got bit and stung by a wasp and has been feeling
horrible ever since. And the worst part of it is that I can’t do anything to
help him. I don’t know what to do to help him. I wish that you were still here…
it seems as if when you were with us that I was more clear headed, that I knew
what to do, when to do it and how to do it.
Yes, I get right now that my head isn’t supposed to be
clear, and that some think it amazing that I get up every morning and find time
to smile and laugh. But it is so hard not knowing what to do… all I know is
that I wish you were here…
I love you so very much… and so does your father. You are
our world…
Love,
Mommy and Daddy XOXO
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