Letter #2

Dearest child, 

Today your daddy and I made the hardest but easiest decision of our lives. With confirmation that you would not survive we decided to terminate you. We were hoping that making this decision would put you out of any pain you are feeling or save you from the pain that you would face either later on in the pregnancy or suffocating when you are being born. 

This changes nothing about how daddy and I feel about you. We are doing this because we love you. So much that we put your happiness before ours. We had different choices of course but none of them would help you live a healthy life. We had to choose between terminating you, waiting to see if we would carry you to full term (but that put you into the risk of being suffocated and traumatized), or if you did carry to full term that when giving birth you would pass away right away. 

The way this termination works is different from others since you are 20 weeks old. You are well developed, with the cutest hands and feet your daddy or I have ever seen. What will happen is that we will go to a nice doctor who will naturally dilate the cervix over the course of 3 days. After that he will determine how many weeks old you are once again and we will begin the process of peacefully letting you go back into god’s hands. They will give me this special drug that will make mommy responsive but not able to remember any kind of procedure. When that comes into effect they will give you a drug that will make you peacefully pass away, like falling into a deep sleep. 

Daddy and I are going to have your tested to see if there was a genetic issue or if this was a one in a million chance, so when we do decide to try for your little brother or sister that we would know what to expect and share as much information as we can with the doctor of our choosing. That way mommy and daddy won’t have to go through the same heart break that we have gone through these last couple of days. 

Some day we will have the pleasure of finally meeting you and will get to hold you, but until then you are in god’s care. Until then what your daddy and I are saying is that you were just so precious that god was not ready to let you go.

We will love you unconditionally forever.

Hugs and kisses,

Mommy and daddy